YOU CAN’T FIX STUPID!

I know what you are thinking.  Is she seriously calling her husband stupid for the whole world to hear?  Absolutely NOT.  Now don’t get me wrong, he has definitely done some stupid stuff during his battle with addiction.  Like the time he…….well never mind, I better keep that one between him and I.  However, the stupid I’m referring to is the fact that I was stupid enough to think I could fix him, or anyone else for that matter.

I remember going to my first recovery meeting with the expectation of being equipped with all the tools I needed to fix my addict.  What I had been doing was NOT working, but these people were much more experienced than me.   I was certain they had my answers. So, with my notebook in hand, I was ready to get my “to do list” in order.   Boy was I disappointed.  They actually had the nerve to tell me the focus needed to be on me and not my addict. WHAT?  He’s the one with the problem.  Next, they said that the family members of the alcoholic often become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it.  Me?  When have I ever been irritable or unreasonable?  Maybe insane, but not irritable or unreasonable 😜. They had the audacity to say that our situations aren’t hopeless, and we can find contentment and peace even if our loved one is still caught up in their addiction.  Absolutely NOT.  If he isn’t sober, then life is on pause for all of us until he gets there.  I felt I was in the wrong meeting because these people had lost their minds.  If they had been living in my house they would have a completely different take on living with an addict.  I quickly found out I was wrong.  While they may not have lived in my home our experiences were so similar I felt like they had.

Yes, I can now say it out loud.  I was the stupid one.  I thought I had to give up my life to save his.  I thought if he was miserable in his addiction, I needed to be miserable while I watched.  I thought recovery was only for the addict and had no idea I could have my own program with my own recovery.  I have a program, and when I work it, amazing things happen.  When I practice the tools I have been given, I find the hope, contentment and peace they were talking about in my very first meeting.  You can’t fix someone that doesn’t see they are broken.  I was never meant to carry that responsibility or that burden.  I can freely hand it over to God and enjoy the life I have been given.  I can use my trials to give hope and strength to others while I wait on God to do what only He can do.