How I Survived My Riptide

It has always amazed me how God can speak to me through nature.  Maybe it is the only time I am still enough to listen, but whatever the reason I often walk away with a nugget of wisdom.  This past weekend was another one of those times during a quick 3-day trip to the beach.   Like most moms a trip to the ocean means continual counting of heads in the water, yelling you are out too far, applying sunscreen, and of course looking for any shark fins rising to the surface.  We can’t really enjoy ourselves because we feel everyone’s lives are in our hands.  This time it was a little different for me because after about 10 minutes of jumping the waves my son came limping out of the water with multiple jelly fish stings.  I know my son enough to realize that no amount of coaxing was going to get him back in the water.  So, I decided I would take some time to enjoy the beach without playing lifeguard.  Unfortunately, it only lasted a few minutes before I began worrying about all the other children still in the water.  I was playing out scenarios in my mind what I would do if any them got caught in a riptide.  I pictured myself standing up and screaming “Don’t fight the current, just swim with it”, and in that moment I received my nugget from God.

Living with addiction is very similar to getting caught in a riptide.  If you swim against it, you will fail every time, but if you swim with it you might just survive.  For me, it was accepting where I was as my reality and not trying to change it.  I realized I did not have to like it, but only accept it.  The three C’s of Al-anon quickly came to my mind.  You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.  I know now that anything I try to control will eventually control me.  You cannot control your addicted love one any more than you can control a riptide.  I know, because I have surely tried. 

When you hear stories of people getting swept away in a riptide, they often tell you they didn’t even see it.  Again, this riptide is looking like addiction.  Some of us didn’t see it from the beginning, and spent some time battling denial.  Some see it, get through it, only for it to resurface again and try to pull us back under.  Others of us saw it right away, but thought  if we jumped in, we could navigate our way through it and make it safely to the other side.  It doesn’t really matter how we got here; what matters is what we do when we feel like we are about to get sucked under.  You got it, we swim with the current.

For me, surviving my riptide begins with calling out for a life preserver.  This may be calling a friend from my recovery group, reaching out to my sponsor, or attending a meeting.  Whew, I feel safer already.  Next, I have to remember not to panic.  I have so many tools that can save me when I think I am drowning.  Maybe I should repeat some of the slogans, work on the 12 steps,  read my Bible or spend some time in prayer.  It is important in my panic not to grab onto someone else and pull them under as well.  I may have to detach with love and let them find their path to safety as I find mine.  Even if my head goes under, it WILL come back up and I can once again find the serenity I need to make it safely out of my riptide. 

Happy Beach going and stay out of those riptides!