Why Do I Always Have to Be Right?

If you were to ask me if I am stubborn, I would happily justify any of my actions to prove otherwise.  I would argue that it is completely normal to sit across the room from my husband for hours refusing to be the first one to speak.  Let’s go ahead and add in crossed arms, loud sighs and a few eye rolls.  Me, stubborn???  ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! He’s wrong, I’m right and until he admits it, I will continue to be mute.  I quickly learned that taking this “my way or the highway” route wasn’t working out very well for me.

Not long after I began my path in recovery I came across this quote:

Pride is concerned with WHO is right.

Humility is concerned with WHAT is right.

                                                      Ezra Taft Benson

This really helped to put a lot of things in perspective.  I thought I might have to lose who I was as a person to successfully work the recovery steps, or to keep from pushing my husband further into his addiction.  This quote helped me to see that there are principles, beliefs, and standards that I can keep as firm boundaries in my life.  These are the things I know to be RIGHT, as the align with scripture.  It is okay for me to be stubborn in these areas.  In contrast, there are other areas that I don’t have to be right.  In recovery we often say:

“Do you want to be happy, or do you want to be right?

These are the areas that I’m learning to be more flexible.  My husband always says, “There is more than one way to skin a cat”.  So, to keep peace in my home I have learned when it is appropriate to say, “You might be right”.  The first time I said it those words were VERY hard to get out.  I wasn’t telling him that he was right, only that he might be right.  Am I still stubborn at times?  YES!  Is he stubborn at times?  YES!  But if it wasn’t for recovery, my meetings, the daily devotions and literature, working the 12 steps, my sponsor, and the wisdom I have gained from my friends in Al-anon I would still be that stubborn person sitting on the couch ruining another day just to be WHO was right.