WHAT NOW????

Here we are in a place many of us never imagined we would be. If you are anything like me, you ended up at your destination with a lot of baggage. I'm not talking about a designer handbag, matching suitcases, and a pair of $400 sunglasses. My baggage looked more like resentment, bitterness, anger, and self-pity. At this point it does not really matter how I got there. I am sure it was a mixture of bad choices, unfortunate events, and maybe the enemy trying to keep me from my God appointed destiny. The only question that really mattered to me was, "What Now"?

I started collecting my baggage when my husband went to in-patient rehab for the first time. He was going to be gone for 6 weeks and I was NOT happy about it. I resented the responsibilities that would be placed on my shoulders, I was angry I did not see this coming, and I was definitely bitter that he was getting a mini vacation from the hardships of life. I thought he was a weak man, because how hard can it be to just stop those addictive behaviors and stay sober. After two weeks, I was allowed to come for a family visit and check him out for the day. I did not go! Why? Because he did not deserve it! I wanted to punish him, and I thought that would be the best way. I had not learned yet how to detach from the addiction and still love the person, so I wanted his 6 weeks to be as miserable for him as they were for me. Unfortunately, after his 6 weeks of rehab neither of us had worked on ourselves and within a couple of weeks back home, his sobriety had ended.

A few months later, he was off to rehab again. This time it was going to be for months rather than weeks, so I decided to try a different approach. Like they say, insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. I was tired of acting insane! This time I went for family days, and realized even though it was okay to carry baggage at first, I just could not unpack there and stay where I was. As my addict was working on himself, I began working on ME! My mindset began to change and as I focused more on myself and less on him. I realized that God had allowed me to end up where I was, so there must be a purpose. I cannot change the past, but there are endless opportunities for MY future despite if my addict chooses sobriety or not. I refuse to let my experiences go to waste and to not use the growth I experience through my storms to support others.

What now? First, I started my own recovery. I joined an AFG and began serving. At first, it was just stacking chairs at the end of the meeting. Then I started sharing in the meetings, signed up to chair a meeting and before I knew it I was bringing the discussion topic. I also started my Blog with the goal of supporting others just like me. My "Poor Me" has turned into "Let Me" and my baggage has been dropped at the feet of Jesus.

So, can I ask you.....What Now?