Hand Me That Wrench?

One of the first concepts of recovery that I was able to quickly grasp was to make sure I had a well stocked toolbox. I have worked in the construction industry for several years and was very familiar with what a well stocked toolbox looked like and how necessary it was to be prepared for any project that may arise. I definitely was married to a "project" that needed to be fixed, so coming up with some tools to keep my addict in line seemed easy. Chainsaw, got it.....wrench, yup, hammer, definitely will need that. Thank goodness I have a sponsor and she quickly explained using them on my addict was not what my recovery group had in mind. She actually said the toolbox was for me! So I laid down my wrench and chainsaw and decided to go with a different type of toolbox that did not involve any type of physical altercations. 😜

In my recovery literature I have learned I can experience hope and peace if my addict is sober or actively in his addiction, I just needed some tools. At first, I felt like most of the people in my recovery meetings were speaking in a foreign language. They filled their toolboxes with terms like: loving detachment, boundaries, keep an open mind, easy does it, progress not perfection, self care and the list goes on. In contrast, my toolbox was still filled with items that were much more familiar to me like resentment, anger, manipulation, obsession, nagging, tears, disrespectful tone, and self-righteousness. My tools had scratches, dents, worn paint, and bent handles because they were used almost daily. I noticed that most of those that had been working on their recovery for awhile had tools that were just as worn, and they were pulling them out of their toolbox just as often. The big difference was there's were working and mine were not.

The tools I used were not pushing my addict towards his recovery, but were actually pulling him away from it. What I thought were tools, had turned into weapons and I was destroying myself more than him. So I decided it was time to throw out my entire toolbox and start over. I wish I could say I was able to immediately acquire every tool I might need to help navigate the disease of addiction, but that has not happened. I started with just a single tool of attending as many meetings as I could (keep coming back, it works if you work it). Next, I started reading recovery literature, purchased some daily devotions, and listened to podcasts when I was traveling in my car. I began working the 12 steps with my sponsor and now was able to add that to my toolbox. I leaned on God and searched for His will and not my own. I grabbed the phone list from my recovery group and started reaching out to others on my good days as well as my bad days. I accepted a service position in my recovery group and quickly found out how much better I felt when I became available to support others. Then I added the most beneficial tool yet, I lovingly detached from my addict. No, It didn't involve any sharp objects or any impalements, just a willingness to allow him the dignity to make his own decisions regarding his own recovery.

My tool box is not complete, but I am grateful that I am learning more and more every day. I have a wonderful support group and a wide selection of tools to use for myself or to share with those that God has put in my path. If you were on the same path as me, it might be time to throw out that old tool box and start with something new. Remember, the first step is admitting we are powerless over addiction and our life has become unmanageable. We can't fix it, but God can! Head to a meeting this week, start building your toolbox, and get a support group and you WILL get your life back!!