Navigating the Unexpected this Christmas

I don’t know if any of you are like me, but I absolutely despise surprises. I’m not sure if it comes from some unresolved trauma I had as a child, or if it’s just because I need the stability of knowing what’s next, but it’s definitely something I need to work on. There is no time of the year more than Christmas that screams “this girl needs to chill.” As early as I can remember, I would hunt through my parents home until I could find every one of my Christmas presents. I guess I was dramatic even back then, because I could pull off that “I’m so surprised” look every year as I opened my gifts. And guess what, I still do it today as an adult. I have been known to unwrap my present, see what it is, and wrap it back up hoping no one will notice. This year my husband stepped up his game and took a picture of a snake, a mouse, and a bat that was in our barn, and then let me know that’s where he had hidden my gifts. My fear of creatures has trumped my need to sneak into pretty packages tied up with bows.

Little did I know that my early years as a junior detective would be preparing me for my adult years as the wife of an addict. It wasn’t healthy back then and it’s not healthy now. I know y’all have probably never done any snooping on your addict LOL! Unfortunately, most of us have done it. We follow them on Life360, we look at their phone messages, we check all the bank statements, and even search their vehicles when they aren’t looking. We justify ourselves by saying they aren’t trustworthy, so I have every right to snoop. My sponsor once asked me, what are you going to do when you find something? Confront them? Yell at them? Pour it down the sink? Thank goodness for growth and that I’m not in the same place I used to be. Because, I would have done or have done most of these things. But guess what, it never worked. If you are in a relationship with an addict, you know that they are the only one that can make the decision to choose sobriety. And I have found for myself trying to control it actually pushes them away from sobriety instead of toward sobriety.

If your loved one is in active addiction during the Holidays, you may not even care if there are any gifts under the tree. You are in fear of the unexpected and the traditional words of Christmas, such as joy, peace, and love are nowhere in your vocabulary. I want to challenge you during this season to remember what Christmas is really about. It’s about the birth of Jesus and the life we are now so blessed to experience because of Him! If I focus on people, and the expectations I have for them, I find myself living in disappointment and frustration. But if I keep my eyes on Jesus, I’m never disappointed. It may look differently than I had pictured in my mind, but it can still be good. Take some time this Christmas and don’t focus on the day, but focus on the moments. As I focus more on gratefulness, I can see those little blessings that once stayed hidden. I can look in my four month old granddaughter‘s eyes, and when she smiles back at me know that I am blessed. I look at my son and his wife this Christmas that are expecting their first baby and it fills we with excitement. I can send a text to my granddaughter who just spent six days in the hospital with ulcerative colitis, and experience gratefulness that God is walking through this with her. Jesus is helping me to focus on what I have, and not what I don’t. Enjoy the season, love your family, trust Jesus and despite the disease of addiction in your loved one, HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!