ME FIRST!!!

As I began my recovery, I repeatedly heard the term “self-care”, and the importance of maintaining it in your life.  My first thought was that these people are so selfish and don’t read their Bible. I mean seriously, how can you be a Christian and think of yourself before others.  Over time I learned that I was taking “self-care” out of context, and it is extremely important for those of us dealing with someone in addiction.  Most of us have spent way too much time trying to rescue and care for the addict that we have completely neglected ourselves.  If I am not healthy, how can I be any good to anyone else.  

Self-care usually starts with boundaries and includes the introduction to the word NO!  One of my favorite phrases is “No, that does not work for me”.  However, we need to remember that we are grown adults and do not have to always give an explanation or reason behind our “No”, if it is coming from a good heart.

I remember telling my counselor about how I had told my husband “NO” on something and how proud I was of myself.  She quickly sucked my pride from the room when she asked me a very important question. What was your motive behind your “NO”?  Was it because it was truly something that wasn’t good for you, or was it because you wanted to punish your husband?  OUCH!  She nailed me, because I was definitely using my “NO” to get back at him.  You may be wondering when it is okay to practice self-care, and when it is not.  I hope I can help answer that question.

When I go to scripture I find:

“Do Nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility value others above yourselves”

Philippians 2:3

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends”

John 15:13

So, God is clearly telling us to be selfless and to consider the needs of others.  However, He is NOT telling us to put ourselves or others in a dangerous or unhealthy place.  For example, if my addict is not sober and asks me to go somewhere with him, I can confidently say “NO, that does not work for me”.  Getting in a vehicle with him is not safe so I am practicing self-care.  What if my addict asks me to stay home and watch a movie with him instead of going to my recovery meeting?  Saying No, is okay here as well.  I can simply say that my meeting is a vital part of my recovery, and it is very important to me to make these meetings.  

Now let’s flip the script.  What if my husband asks me to join him at an open AA meeting and I say “ABSOLUTELY NOT” with the motive of he is the addict and he needs to figure this out on his own?  This is where I need to check myself and see if I am acting like Jesus or displaying a victim mindset.  I hope you are seeing the pattern here.  Self-care is to make sure you are getting what you need to be healthy physically, emotionally, and spiritually to be the very best you.  Self-care can take many different forms and some of my favorites are:

Taking a walk

Calling my sponsor/recovery friend

Reading a book

Reading recovery literature

Going to a meeting

Exercising

Serving others

Organizing a messy room (I know I am a little OCD)

These are just a few ways that have worked for me.  Just keep in mind that self-care is not selfish and a healthy you means a healthier family as a whole.  I love the recovery slogan “Let it begin with me”.  Say “NO” when you need to, check your motives behind your “NO” and then go do something good for yourself today. 😊